


Who Are You, Really

by Voidfish



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Flashbacks, Gen, Post-The Suffering Game, Recovered Memories, Spoilers, Stolen Century, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-14 03:54:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11199918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Voidfish/pseuds/Voidfish
Summary: Magnus Burnsides loves with his whole heart-and when he hates, it’s with his whole essence as well.In most situations, it’s easy to tell the difference. If someone is there for him, they’re a friend. If someone hurts someone close to him, they’re a foe.But Lucretia...Lucretia is somehow both._______________Hiding from the Hunger, Magnus Burnsides wonders whether he can trust Lucretia anymore.





	Who Are You, Really

**Author's Note:**

> This piece is loosely inspired by the song Who Are You, Really by Mikky Ekko and this post by scribefindegil on tumblr: http://scribefindegil.tumblr.com/post/161321480296/magnus-will-forgive-lucretia-for-what-she-did-to.  
> Warnings for some aggression towards Lucretia by various IPRE members at first-i promise she is okay! Also lots of crying. This has spoilers for all of Stolen Century as of Wednesday June 14th.

They try to escape the Hunger. In the moment, it’s all that they can do.

There will be time for anger, for conversations, time to ask Lucretia why she did that, ask her why the hell she did that, but right now is the time is to flee.

So, like they did for a hundred years before, they grab the remnants of the light and they run.

 

***

 

They find a cave, an alcove to rest in for the night before a more permanent solution is found. The Hunger- _(“John,” Merle adds)_ could reach them at any moment, but they can’t venture much farther in the state that they are in.

Davenport, Taako, Merle, and Magnus are all reeling from their recent inoculation. Barry is handling the situation better than the rest of them, but not by much.

Ironically enough, Lucretia is the one falling apart.

She tries to sob quietly, but the combination of panic and escape has left her in a panting heap. She covers her mouth with her hands, tries to turn, cover her attack. The group sees, but they all leave her alone. Some to let her grieve, to let her process what is happening. Some because they don’t want to help. And some because they don’t know, don’t know what to do or

what they want or even who she is anymore.

 

***

 

Taako goes somewhere with Barry early in the night. His face is red and flushed, his breath harsh and quick, and his eyes glassy. Barry doesn’t look much better; he keeps running his hands through his thick brown hair, making it stick up. He doesn’t hide his tears like Taako does, doesn't try to look put together like Taako. They shuffle deeper into the cave, walking close together, both dragging themselves. Right before he disappears, Taako turns around, looks Lucretia in the eye, and flicks her off.

Merle leaves soon afterwards to talk with Davenport about something. The gnome refuses to look anywhere near Lucretia. Merle gives an almost apologetic shrug before turning and joining Davenport.

That leaves Magnus alone with the Director.

Magnus wants to be mad at her, he really does, but there’s something soft and sad about her. She’s stopped sobbing now, but she still is more disheveled than he’s ever seen her.

 

_No, that’s not true. She was like this during the stretch of years where Merle was talking with the Hunger, her brown eyes dulled by guilt and insomnia-_

 

He never expected memories to hurt this badly. They attack his nerves, explode in his head. He shuts his eyes and takes a breath, focuses, and eventually the pain settles.

When he opens his eyes Lucretia is kneeling in front of him, worried. Her hand is outstretched, but it wavers a few inches from his shoulder. She’s hesitant to comfort him, unsure if he wants her around, and Magnus aches. He’s not sure if he trusts her yet. He wants to, he really does, but-

 

_His hand reaches for the Voidfish, a desperate attempt, but Lucretia stands in front of it, blocking him. He won’t hit her, she knows that, and she uses that to her advantage. He tries to sneak around. She trips him up. He crashes to the floor. “I’m sorry, Magnus,” she says, startled, and for a second he’s almost fooled, almost believes she’s telling the truth. “If there was any other way…” A broken sound escapes him. “We can find another way. Come on, Luce, don’t do this.” He’s begging, and if this was the beginning of their adventure he would understand why she refuses to look at him, but dammit they’re friends, they’ve lived and died a hundred times together and yet she still won’t listen. “You don’t have to do this.” She’s crying. “I do.” And then everything goes gray._

 

This time Lucretia does reach out. She tentatively puts her hand on Magnus’s shoulder, and he is brought back to the present for a horrible moment. He feels tears slide down his cheeks.

Magnus, to be truthful, has a reputation for crying often, but Lucretia still looks panicked. This is different-he looks wounded.

“Magnus,” she says, soft and low, as if approaching a wild animal, “are you okay?” He nods, wiping tears from his eyes.

“I just-” he breathes in deeply, trying to compose himself, “I just really want to hug the Voidfish.”

Lucretia’s laugh is a beautiful thing. It’s been a long time since Magnus has heard it. Now that he knows who she is, again, he knows that he has missed her.

 

***

 

Magnus Burnsides loves with his whole heart-and when he hates, it’s with his whole essence as well. In most situations, it’s easy to tell the difference. If someone is there for him, they’re a friend. If someone hurts someone close to him, they’re a foe.

But Lucretia...Lucretia is somehow both.

Magnus sees the broken look on Davenport’s face as the captain takes her in, sees the anger plainly displayed on Taako’s face, sees the grief that Barry feels, sees Merle’s disbelief, how he whispers to anyone who will listen that he thought he and the Director were best friends.

Magnus knows how he should feel. He should be with his friends, the people he knows and trusts.

And yet…

 

_Lucretia laughs as the Voidfish splashes up and down, water spraying everywhere, and Magnus is surprised._

_He’s never really heard her laugh before-sure, she smiles plenty, and he guesses when they gather as a group telling stories she laughs, but Taako and Lup both have a loud chortle that drowns out other noise, and when Barry laughs too hard he starts wheezing. Her quiet, thoughtful chuckle has always been left unheard. It’s nice._

_She looks up at him and for a minute he thinks she’s going to ask him to leave. It’s getting late, and tomorrow he’s going out with Taako and Merle to search for the light. Instead she motions him over._

_"What’s up?” He says as he plops on the ground next to her, facing the Voidfish. It swims around the tank that Lucretia made for it and Magnus makes a silly face at it._

_“_ _Watch this,” she says, intently to Magnus, but there’s something fishy going on. She’s biting her lip, trying to force down a smile. He doesn’t ask why. She puts her hand up and quickly thrusts her hand, palm down, towards the floor. The Voidfish takes the clue, and it jumps up, soaking Magnus._

_Lucretia laughs so hard that she snorts, gasping desperately for air, and Magnus laughs along. “I’m sorry,” she gasps out after they’ve calmed down, “that was unprofessional, I just-”_

_“Don’t sweat it,” Magnus says, “we’re friends, Luce. And do you know what that means?” He’s grinning now, absolutely beaming, as he pulls her close to him. He’s still soaking wet._

_“_ _I’m afraid to ask,” she deadpans. “_

_Prank wars!” Magnus yells out, and he laughs as Lucretia tries to negotiate her way out of it._

 

***

 

And there’s all these moments, these memories from a life long ago, that make it so hard to hate Lucretia like he knows he should.

So instead he stays, sitting with her in silence.

“Magnus,” she starts, her voice is thick, as if she’s talking through tears. “Magnus, I never wanted any of this to happen this way. There was no other option. I had to do this, do you understand?” She looks up, looks him in the eyes.

And Magnus may not be a genius, but he knows people. She’s telling the truth. She honestly thinks that there was no other way.

He nods, not trusting his voice. Words are...complicated. Words are hard. Actions are easier.

He moves over and envelops her body in his arms. Lucretia stiffens, for a second, but quickly she embraces him.

 

***

 

When everyone else comes back Magnus is asleep, his head leaning against Lucretia, a moment of trust.

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is infernaltwink, feel free to stop by! Don't forget to comment if you can!


End file.
